I now own a teenager... Part 2

So now the big day has come.  Time to make the frosting and assemble the cake.  I have a couple ideas about how I want to artfully place the layers and decorate the whole thing, and Brian makes a few structural suggestions.  We devise a plan and get everything ready...



At this point we're still thinking standard cake dowels will be enough.  HA!!  We should have ordered construction scaffolding.  Oh well, on with the comedy of errors that became the rest of my day.

The frosting recipe that was included with the cake called for cream cheese, mascarpone, vanilla, powdered sugar, and whipping cream...



I decided that since the cake layers totaled a double recipe of the batter, I would need to make a double batch of the frosting... which meant two containers of mascarpone... at $5.00 a pop... ugh...

Oh well, the little devil... I mean darling... is worth it, so I grab my checkbook and carry on.  It is at about this point where things start to go horribly wrong.  I cream together the mascarpone, cream cheese, and vanilla (after spilling nearly all of it on the counter... fortunately I grabbed the bottle just in time to save enough for the recipe).



Then, the recipe says to switch to the whip attachment and slowly add the heavy cream.  Whip attachment... OHHHH WHIP ATTACHMENT????  Where ARRRRRRREEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUU??????  askhdfjhasldfkh... it's still over at the ex's house.  Don't have enough time to go get it... don't want to deal with him... I decide that if I use the beater attachment on super high warp-drive speed, it'll still work...



Ummm... not so much...

I try adding more powered sugar...



I really need to get a bowl shield.  Just sayin'...



Add this point I'm completely desperate.  I have now used all the powdered sugar, I'm on Facebook screaming for help from my friends, and there's no way this stuff is even CLOSE to spreadable.  I concede defeat and call the child in to let her at least taste what would have been...

(and take a video, of course)

One of these days I'll learn how to pronounce "MAScarpone"...

It is now four hours until the party.  Again, thinking I have scheduled in enough time for do-overs, I find a standard cream cheese frosting recipe and make a mad dash for the grocery store.  I get home... I start mixing it up... it's too soft... I add more powdered sugar... I reread the recipe... it says "for best results, refrigerate overnight".  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  My hair is now falling out in spectacular clumps.  I take my trusty Black and Decker hand mixer and beat the crap out of it, to no avail...



*le sigh*  It is now less than two hours until the guests arrive, so I have to make do with what I have.

Due to the ensuing frenzy, there are no photos of the next hour.  The cake looks NOTHING like I had intended.  I was almost afraid to post pictures of it for public viewing, for fear it would somehow turn up on Cake Wrecks.  Fantastic blog, by the way.  You really need to check it out.

The cake is... done.  Done-ish.  It's CLOSE ENOUGH, DAMMIT!!!  I call the guest of honor out to the kitchen for the big reveal.

She looks at it.

She says "It's weird...

...I LOVE IT!!!"



Un-frikkin-believable...

The most hideous cake I've ever made, and she loves it...



Apparently everyone else did too...



So, my dear friends, thus ends the epic tale of Miko's thirteenth birthday party cake.

Next year I'm ordering from Costco.