I now own a teenager... Part 2

So now the big day has come.  Time to make the frosting and assemble the cake.  I have a couple ideas about how I want to artfully place the layers and decorate the whole thing, and Brian makes a few structural suggestions.  We devise a plan and get everything ready...



At this point we're still thinking standard cake dowels will be enough.  HA!!  We should have ordered construction scaffolding.  Oh well, on with the comedy of errors that became the rest of my day.

The frosting recipe that was included with the cake called for cream cheese, mascarpone, vanilla, powdered sugar, and whipping cream...



I decided that since the cake layers totaled a double recipe of the batter, I would need to make a double batch of the frosting... which meant two containers of mascarpone... at $5.00 a pop... ugh...

Oh well, the little devil... I mean darling... is worth it, so I grab my checkbook and carry on.  It is at about this point where things start to go horribly wrong.  I cream together the mascarpone, cream cheese, and vanilla (after spilling nearly all of it on the counter... fortunately I grabbed the bottle just in time to save enough for the recipe).



Then, the recipe says to switch to the whip attachment and slowly add the heavy cream.  Whip attachment... OHHHH WHIP ATTACHMENT????  Where ARRRRRRREEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUU??????  askhdfjhasldfkh... it's still over at the ex's house.  Don't have enough time to go get it... don't want to deal with him... I decide that if I use the beater attachment on super high warp-drive speed, it'll still work...



Ummm... not so much...

I try adding more powered sugar...



I really need to get a bowl shield.  Just sayin'...



Add this point I'm completely desperate.  I have now used all the powdered sugar, I'm on Facebook screaming for help from my friends, and there's no way this stuff is even CLOSE to spreadable.  I concede defeat and call the child in to let her at least taste what would have been...

(and take a video, of course)

One of these days I'll learn how to pronounce "MAScarpone"...

It is now four hours until the party.  Again, thinking I have scheduled in enough time for do-overs, I find a standard cream cheese frosting recipe and make a mad dash for the grocery store.  I get home... I start mixing it up... it's too soft... I add more powdered sugar... I reread the recipe... it says "for best results, refrigerate overnight".  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  My hair is now falling out in spectacular clumps.  I take my trusty Black and Decker hand mixer and beat the crap out of it, to no avail...



*le sigh*  It is now less than two hours until the guests arrive, so I have to make do with what I have.

Due to the ensuing frenzy, there are no photos of the next hour.  The cake looks NOTHING like I had intended.  I was almost afraid to post pictures of it for public viewing, for fear it would somehow turn up on Cake Wrecks.  Fantastic blog, by the way.  You really need to check it out.

The cake is... done.  Done-ish.  It's CLOSE ENOUGH, DAMMIT!!!  I call the guest of honor out to the kitchen for the big reveal.

She looks at it.

She says "It's weird...

...I LOVE IT!!!"



Un-frikkin-believable...

The most hideous cake I've ever made, and she loves it...



Apparently everyone else did too...



So, my dear friends, thus ends the epic tale of Miko's thirteenth birthday party cake.

Next year I'm ordering from Costco.

Eating Right(er) for the New Year

I came up with this recipe a few months ago simply because I had purchased some wonderful fireweed honey and had a pile of fresh limes.  When I made it again last night, I realized not only is it quick, easy, and delicious, but it's also low-fat and pretty darn good for you!  Sorry I don't have a photo to go with the post... I'll try to remember to take one and add it the next time I make it.

HONEY LIME CHICKEN

4 large boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 C flour
1 t. salt
1/2 t. pepper
2 t. cumin
3 T. olive oil
1/2 C honey
zest of 1 large lime
juice of 2 large limes
2-3 cloves garlic, mashed
pinch of salt
pepper to taste

Combine honey, lime zest and juice, garlic, salt, and pepper in a small bowl.  Set aside.  Combine flour, salt, pepper, and cumin in a plastic bag.  Heat oil in large frying pan.  Shake chicken in flour mixture to coat.  Fry in oil until golden and cooked through, about 10 minutes per side.  Remove from pan; keep warm.  Pour off all but one tablespoon of oil.  Add honey/lime mixture to pan and bring to a simmer over medium heat.  Return chicken to pan, turning and coating with sauce until heated through and sauce is slightly thickened, about 5 minutes.  Serve breasts with sauce spooned over.

The last of the Thanksgiving leftovers

As I was rummaging through the fridge today, I noticed a storage container.  Joy!!  Mystery substance!!  I dig it out and discover it was about four cups of roasted mashed sweet potatoes left from Thanksgiving dinner.  Yes, I realize it's been more than five days... so what... they were still good and I wasn't going to throw out that much potential ingredient for SOMETHING.  Off to teh interwebs for inspiration I go.  I wanted to do a sweet something, so all the recipes for shepherds pie, croquettes, etc. were immediately disregarded.  I wasn't about to make a pie crust, so sweet potato pie was out... along with biscuits, scones, rolls, blah blah blah.  It's Sunday, football was on, and I wasn't feeling like putting much effort into it.

Then it hit me.  Muffins, of course!  I didn't even bother looking for a specific sweet potato muffin recipe.  I just started muffining...



Sweet Potato Streusel Muffins

streusel topping-
1/4 C. all purpose flour
1/4 C. brown sugar
1/4 C. cold butter
1/2 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. nutmeg
pinch of kosher salt
1/4 C. quick cooking oats

muffins-

4 C. baking mix (Bisquick)
1 C. raisins
2/3 C. quick cooking oats
2/3 C. granulated sugar
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. nutmeg
1/2 t. kosher salt
3 3/4 C. mashed roasted sweet potatoes
3 large eggs

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Line muffin pan with paper cups.

Prepare streusel topping- in a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.  Using a pastry blender or forks, cut in cold butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.  Add oats and combine well.  Set aside.

In a large bowl, combine baking mix, raisins, oats, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.  Combine well.  In another bowl, beat eggs.  Add sweet potatoes and mix thoroughly.  Add sweet potato mixture to dry ingredients and mix just until moistened (mixture will be thick).  Fill muffin cups almost to the top.  Most recipes will tell you to only fill them to 2/3 or 3/4 full.  I like big muffins.  Top each muffin with about 1 t. of streusel topping.  Bake for 20 minutes or until pick inserted in center comes out clean.  Remove from oven, let stand in pan for 5 minutes, then remove to cooling rack.  Makes 24 muffins full of muffiny goodness.

At least it tasted good...

In the process of moving my things out of the pantry in the old house, I ran across a spaghetti/noodle/meat grinder attachment for my KitchenAid.  Imagine my surprise!  Somewhere in the back of my mind I had known it was there, but for some reason it just didn't click that I had it.  I've been having the urge to make homemade pasta recently anyway, so I was super excited.  I've made pasta many times before, but I've always used my trusty old Atlas hand crank roller and cutter.  With the KitchenAid attachment, I could make exotic things like spaghetti and macaroni and lasagna... oh my!  With great anticipation and optimism, I assembled my ingredients...



My first mistake was following the recipe on the semolina package instead of the recipe in the KitchenAid manual.  It looks alright to begin with...







So when it's done kneading, I wrap it up and let it rest.  I was being patient.  Really.  I was.  I even went to the grocery store so I wouldn't be tempted to stick the dough in my "new" toy before I should have.

The time has come to feed the dough into the machine.  I put it in, a little at a time, just like the manual said.  Experience with me the joy and excitement of my first spaghetti coming out of the extruder!!



Then it all went horribly wrong (even though it doesn't look that bad in this pic)-



I went to pick the strands up to coat them in flour while I did the rest of the dough, and they all clumped together in one big mass... or mess... whatever you want to call it.  I realized I was using the small spaghetti die (basically angel hair pasta), so I knead the dough back together, switch dies, and start again...

Same thing.  I knead some more flour into the dough and try again.  Fail.  I try the egg noodle die.  Fail.  At this point I know the dough is just too wet and I'm trying to salvage it any way I can.  Once again I knead more flour into the dough, but this is at least the sixth time through the extruder.  The dough is impossibly overworked and it's breaking apart... when it's not clumping together...

At this point I'm just trying to get dinner finished.  I run it through ONE MORE TIME, take whatever comes out, and throw it in the pot of water.



It's not as clumpy as I thought it would be, but because the dough is so overworked, the strands start breaking into little bits.  I get the meat, sauce, etc. ready to go and toss it in, hoping for the best...



This picture does not fully show the extent of carnage that occurred... and believe me, that bottle of wine was empty shortly after this was taken...



In the end, it didn't turn out TOO bad.  It was still mighty tasty... it just didn't look anything like spaghetti carbonara with chicken.



Well, maybe a little like it.

Next time I will be using the recipe from the KitchenAid manual, and I have every faith that my pasta will turn out looking... well... better than this.

I'm not insane... really, I'm not...

It's nearing mid-November.  It's cold.  It's dark.  It's wet.  I have the sudden, undeniable urge to...

GRILL!!!

A lot of people (especially in northern climes) think that once the nice weather ends, so does your opportunity to grill outdoors.  I am not one of them.  I have been known to stand out in four inches of snow, just to slap a few chicken breasts on.  If I have a craving for steak, I'll stand out in a driving storm to cook rather than even attempt to cook them in the oven or on the stove.  It just goes against everything I believe in to cook a good piece of beef on anything except an outdoor grill.  When we moved into our new apartment, we were overjoyed to learn that we could have a propane grill on our patio, so off we went to Lowes.  Even though it was the off-season, we found a great grill for $129... score!



About the same time, Safeway had a great deal on tri-tips.  For those of you not on the West Coast, a tri-tip is a glorious hunk of beef.  It is a small, triangular muscle (usually 1.5 to 2.5 lbs.) cut from the bottom sirloin.  It is perfect for marinating and grilling, so that's what I did.

marinade-

1/3 C. soy sauce
1/2 C. olive oil
1/3 C. fresh lemon juice
1/4 C. Worcestershire
1 1/2 T. garlic powder
3 T. dried basil
1 1/2 T. parsley flakes
1 1/2 t. hot pepper sauce (I use Tapatio)

Combine all ingredients in a gallon ziplock freezer bag and shake well to combine.  Add meat, seal, and shake around to coat well.  Refrigerate for 24-48 hours (I did 48).



2-3 hours before grilling, remove from refrigerator and allow to come to room temperature.  The is VERY important, because if the meat is too chilled it will cook too much on the outside and not enough on the inside.



Preheat grill for 5-10 minutes until it's good and hot (like 500 degrees hot).  Sear on both sides for 5 minutes each.



If you have a grill with three burners, turn off the center one and keep the meat in the middle.  If you only have two burners, turn off one side and move the meat to the OFF side.  You want indirect heating for the rest of the cooking time.  Turn the other burner(s) down to maintain a temperature of about 375 degrees.



Close the lid and continue to cook over INDIRECT heat for another 25-35 minutes total, depending on the size of the roast, turning once.  Remove roast to platter and allow to rest for 10 minutes.



Carve into 1/3-1/2" thick slices, across the grain.  When cooked this way, a tri-tip is surprisingly tender so you don't have to worry about slicing it super thin.



Serve with whatever sides you like and ENJOY!



(yes... those are canned green beans... sue me)

I hope this will encourage you to think outside the norm and keep your grill going all year!

Doing The Puyallup

AKA eating our way through the Western Washington State Fair.

With my marriage of 27 years coming to an end, my life in disarray, and not really knowing WHAT was going to come next, I did the only thing I could think of... went to the fair and ate everything I possibly could.  I knew this was probably the last time I would have an opportunity to spend as much money as I could on food there, so I took advantage.  The following is just a sample of what was available to shove in my face, but I managed to hit the highlights (before I felt the need to start waddling).

First things first.  You cannot go much beyond the entrance without running into a Krusty Pup stand, so that's where we started.



It may look like your ordinary corndog, but it is so much more.  Believe me.



This one had an extra node of batter, but nevermind...

They offer other condiments to have with your pup, but the only truly acceptable thing to put on it is mustard.  Just... mustard.



Nom on a stick...



If you're thinking of going on any rides (such as the Extreme Scream), I suggest you do it at this point.  After much more food, there is an exponentially greater risk of revisiting what you've eaten in an unpleasant manner.  Just sayin'.



The next stop was Longhorn Barbeque.



I ordered my usual from there... bbq pork sandwich with potato salad and beans...



Normally this is heaven on a bun.  Slow smoked over a real wood fire... little to no sauce (they have it in bottles to add if you choose)... perfect ratio of meat to porky fatty goodness... however, this year was more like something I would cook at home in a Crock-Pot.  It was okay, but it was a far cry from the REAL bbq pork sandwiches I've gotten there in the past.  I was disappoint.

Moving along, we hit the next mandatory food item... roasted corn on the cob...



Dripping with butter, of course...



(maybe we should have gotten the pork sandwiches at Murph's instead of the corn...)





After that it was time for something sweet.  Fudge!!



They make it right there, on site.



Decisions, decisions...



Decision made.



One of the guys said "Don't you have anything more exciting to take pictures of than people making fudge?"



I said "Not really."

Artfully displayed food items... like I said... there wasn't really a whole lot more exciting than the fudge...





Next on the sweets agenda is Elephant Ears.  Who can resist fried dough with almost an entire stick of butter and cinnamon sugar smeared all over it???



(the people working here looked at me like I was insane for taking pictures of EVERYTHING)



Nom nom nom nom...



This was just pretty in the dark, so yeah...



Last, but far from least, are the scones...



If you're not from here, you probably don't understand our obsession with scones from the fair.  It is tradition... nay, mandatory... to stand in line FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES to get your bag(s) of scones to take home with you.  This year we only waited 45 minutes.  Yes.  Only 45 minutes.





What you get for your patience is a warm, crusty yet fluffy, triangle of heaven filled with real butter and raspberry jam.  There are no other options.  It's butter and raspberry jam or NOTHING!!  And we like it that way.



We will eat them until we can't stand the sight of them anymore, then long for them until the next September.  They're just... that... good.



So there you have it.  I know some of you are probably thinking "Where's all the funky fair food we're always hearing about?  Fried Twinkies and all that?"  Well my friends, I don't do that stuff.  When I go to eat at The Puyallup, I go for the long-held traditional foods we as people of the Pacific Northwest have been eating at the fair since our childhoods.  The only thing I didn't get to was an Earthquake Burger, and I do rather regret that.  I was just too full by the time we got there.

Miko Muffins

My daughter is 12 years old, and although I've been trying to teach her the basics of cooking for years, she has recently taken an interest in baking (yes, there is a huge difference).  Yesterday at the grocery store, she grabbed a box of muffin mix and said "Mom, I want to make these!"  Muffin... MIX???  At $2.99 a box??  ARE YOU INSANE??  Muffins are probably the singularly easiest thing to bake.  They were the first thing we were taught to make in Home Ec class... and chances are you've probably got everything to make them already in your kitchen.  She grabbed a bag of white chocolate chips (ugh... white chocolate is a crime against nature if you ask me), and off we went.

MIKO MUFFINS

Makes 12

2 C all-purpose flour
1/3 C light brown sugar
1/3 C granulated sugar
2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
2/3 C milk
1/2 c butter (one stick), melted and cooled
2 eggs, beaten
1 t. vanilla
1 12 oz. package white chocolate chips (yes, the whole bag)
(if I were making them, I would have added 1/2 C or so of chopped macadamia nuts also, but this was her project so I let it slide... this time...)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Grease 12 muffin cups (we use paper liners... much easier clean-up).

Melt butter in a medium bowl in the microwave.  Set aside.  In a large bowl, stir together flour, sugars, baking powder, and salt.  Whisk milk, eggs, and vanilla into the butter until thoroughly combined.  Add wet ingredients into dry, and stir JUST until moistened.  The batter will be lumpy... this is okay.  Gently fold in chips (and nuts, if using).

Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups.  Bake for about 20 minutes, or until pick inserted in center of muffin comes out clean.  Cool in pan for 10 minutes, then remove to cooling rack.  Serve warm (if you can wait that long).  Viola!  It's so easy even a 12 year old can do it!